Tamar, Daughter-in-law of Judah

At that time, Judah left his brothers and went down to stay with a man of Adullam named Hirah.  There Judah met the daughter of a Canaanite man named Shua. He married her and made love to her;  she became pregnant and gave birth to a son, who was named Er.  She conceived again and gave birth to a son and named him Onan.  She gave birth to still another son and named him Shelah. It was at Kezib that she gave birth to him.

  Judah got a wife for Er, his firstborn, and her name was Tamar.  But Er, Judah’s firstborn, was wicked in the LORD’s sight; so the LORD put him to death.

  Then Judah said to Onan, “Sleep with your brother’s wife and fulfill your duty to her as a brother-in-law to raise up offspring for your brother.”  But Onan knew that the child would not be his; so whenever he slept with his brother’s wife, he spilled his semen on the ground to keep from providing offspring for his brother.  What he did was wicked in the LORD’s sight; so the LORD put him to death also.

~Genesis 38:1-10

Onan was supposed to father children through Tamar for his brother Er.  This is the same act as that of the "kinsman-redeemer" found in the book of Ruth.  The closest of kin was to father a child to carry on the line of the deceased husband.  Although the act may seem offensive to us today, what do you think God's purpose was in decreeing such a plan?

• This should bring up some interesting answers, and if you are reading this and/or have a different theory, please comment below!  Well we know that according to the old testament, a lot of the people mentioned lived, from what was stated, over a hundred years.  However, this has been, I believe, debated over quite some time as to how long that life span really was.  One thing probably debated is because we were probalby following an entirely different calendar during that tme.  But then we know there was a time where people were not living very long, due to desease or plague, so at that time husbands and wives had to make sure that they conceived as many children as possible so that the family line could be carried on, and I think that's what the issue is here with Tamar.  It was custom of the time that the family tree be continued, otherwise, there possibly might not be anyone else living! 

Judah then said to his daughter-in-law Tamar, “Live as a widow in your father’s household until my son Shelah grows up.” For he thought, “He may die too, just like his brothers.” So Tamar went to live in her father’s household.

  After a long time Judah’s wife, the daughter of Shua, died. When Judah had recovered from his grief, he went up to Timnah, to the men who were shearing his sheep, and his friend Hirah the Adullamite went with him.

  When Tamar was told, “Your father-in-law is on his way to Timnah to shear his sheep,”  she took off her widow’s clothes, covered herself with a veil to disguise herself, and then sat down at the entrance to Enaim, which is on the road to Timnah. For she saw that, though Shelah had now grown up, she had not been given to him as his wife.

  When Judah saw her, he thought she was a prostitute, for she had covered her face.  Not realizing that she was his daughter-in-law, he went over to her by the roadside and said, “Come now, let me sleep with you.”

   “And what will you give me to sleep with you?” she asked.

  “I’ll send you a young goat from my flock,” he said.

   “Will you give me something as a pledge until you send it?” she asked.

  He said, “What pledge should I give you?”

   “Your seal and its cord, and the staff in your hand,” she answered. So he gave them to her and slept with her, and she became pregnant by him.  After she left, she took off her veil and put on her widow’s clothes again.

~Genesis 38:11-19

None of the men in Tamar's life fulfilled their responsibilities to her, including her father-in-law Judah.  Describe how you think Tamar must have been feeling throughout the course of these events.  Angry?  Ignored?  Dishonored?  Belittled? Ashamed?

• I defnitely think she must have been angry, felt ignored and kind of belittled, just because she was not blood related to Judah's family.  I think this was her way of revenge, in a way, to get back at Judah so that she could have a child to continue his family line as the customs were in the day.

Why was Tamar so desperate to have a child?

• so she could do her duty in continuing Judah's family line.

Are you, or is someone you know, desperate to have children?  How do the ordeals of infertility today compare to what Tamar was willing to endure in ancient times?

• I'm not, nor am I aware of any of my friends in any kind of desperation to have a child right now.  If I'm desperate for anything personally, it's to be back in a loving relationship with someone, whoever it may be.  I think the ordeals were pretty much about the same as what issues we have today.

Meanwhile Judah sent the young goat by his friend the Adullamite in order to get his pledge back from the woman, but he did not find her.  He asked the men who lived there, “Where is the shrine prostitute who was beside the road at Enaim?”

   “There hasn’t been any shrine prostitute here,” they said.

  So he went back to Judah and said, “I didn’t find her. Besides, the men who lived there said, ‘There hasn’t been any shrine prostitute here.’”

  Then Judah said, “Let her keep what she has, or we will become a laughingstock. After all, I did send her this young goat, but you didn’t find her.”

  About three months later Judah was told, “Your daughter-in-law Tamar is guilty of prostitution, and as a result she is now pregnant.”

   Judah said, “Bring her out and have her burned to death!”

~Genesis 38:20-24

What do you think of Judah's response to the news that Tamar was pregnant?  Was it a double standard for him to condemn her actions but not his own?

• Pretty harsh I think!  We see with a lot of other main characters who have been tricked kind of let it slide in a way before.  Basically, they were more gentle in their responses.  It probably can be considered a double standard because he kind of just shoved Tamar to the side when he could have just offered himself to Tamar to continue his lineage and Tamar was more or less just as wrong to trick Juday into sleeping with her.

Do such double standars exist today?  How?  Are they as common as they were, say ten or twenty years ago?

• Oh I'm sure there are! I would say that one coudl be like someone saying your not doing what I want you to do properly, yet, they too have their own issues, you are working hard to improve things, but the other half is doing nothing to improve their part of the job.  I would say that this has not changed in some circumstances in the past ten or twenty years.

As she was being brought out, she sent a message to her father-in-law. “I am pregnant by the man who owns these,” she said. And she added, “See if you recognize whose seal and cord and staff these are.”

  Judah recognized them and said, “She is more righteous than I, since I wouldn’t give her to my son Shelah.” And he did not sleep with her again.

  When the time came for her to give birth, there were twin boys in her womb.  As she was giving birth, one of them put out his hand; so the midwife took a scarlet thread and tied it on his wrist and said, “This one came out first.”  But when he drew back his hand, his brother came out, and she said, “So this is how you have broken out!” And he was named Perez.  Then his brother, who had the scarlet thread on his wrist, came out. And he was named Zerah.

~Genesis 38:25-30

When you consider what Tamar did in offering herself  disguised as a prostitute to her father-in-law, do his words in verse 26 suprise you?  Why?  Describe what Judah meant by these words.

• Not really because I think he is speaking sarcastically.  Why would anyone call a prostitute "righteous"?  I think what he was meaning was "because you slept with me and have conseived a child with me, I will no longer let you sleep with either me or my son."

The story of Tamar is a difficult one to digest.  There is simply no way to assimilate what she did with our current way of thinking.  Why would such a story ever be included in the inspired scripture?

• I think it had to be included because that pretty much tells us that not everyone, even women, were pure back then.  It's almost a life lesson that if a woman gives herself to be used all the time, there is no way that she will be touched by a man that wants a holesome intimate relationship with her.

Judah the father of Perez and Zerah, whose mother was Tamar,
   Perez the father of Hezron,
   Hezron the father of Ram,

~Matthew 1:3

What does Tamar's inclusion in the lineage of Christ tell you about God's power to bring good out of tragic events?

• It tells us that eventhough not everything is perfect, God is always there to make things right in the end.

How has God worked good out of the bad things that have happened to you  or to someone you know?

• By giving me or my friends patience and letting us know that He is always there for us.